Standing Tall

Rant: It's not the girl or the thought of someone taking my place that makes me cringe, it's losing a part of him that I know he gave only to me--his attentiveness. As crazy as that sounds, it's more true than anything. I love the attention he gave me. The random "I miss you's," and the "I can't stop thinking about you's." I took comfort in knowing I had the power to make him hang on to my every word. His paying attention to my hobbies and interests-it made me feel special and wanted. His listening to my requests and the willingness to go out of his way to grant them and taking the time to let me know if he's unable to do so.

Now, I don't know what happened, but I feel like things have been changing in the last three days. I thought everything was fine, but as I stepped back to look at the bigger picture, I can see that something doesn't look quite right. The picture's a little off.

I know I told myself that I'm strong and that I deserve better than this, but I feel like I really am losing him. Yes, true, I've lost him as a lover but have I really lost him as a friend? Have I really lost a friend in all this?

I know what I told myself. Be happy for him when he finds someone and be there for him when he's down. Of course, I still hold that true. But I can't be friends with someone who's going to put me in the back burner. That was my biggest concern. It wasn't his replacing me with someone else. It was his shifting his attention to someone else. I must sound juvenile right now and I deserve some lashes, but for Pete's sake...what the hell did I do?

Whoa! Slow down: Remember what happened with Reggie? Shit, I'm not gonna bring that back, am I? Oh looks like I will. Remember how hung up he was on you? That boy was sprung. He liked you, he was enchanted by you, but you didn't feel the same and he sensed that. He finally moved on to someone else who gave him more attention than you did. Maybe that's the case this time? Your homeboy, there, sensed that you really wanted it to be over, so he read the "signs" and decided that maybe it really was time. You can't really claim anything as valid or the truth until you hear it for yourself. So for now, it's just a speculation and intuition. Don't go crazy just yet, or actually, when you do find out what the deal is, don't go crazy at all.

You're an amazing person and he can see that. Just take it easy and remember to FOCUS on you. You've got so many potentials just waiting to happen. Do what you love the best way you know how and everyone will eventually see what you're made of. Remember that saying? Yeah, you better, you came up with that! I don't want you to get worked up over something like this because you're a beautiful person with beautiful potentials. Keep that in mind.

Stand tall and stay strong. It's all a test, you've yet to see the reward.

I love you.