AIMLESS WANDERINGS

I seem to be becoming more and more erratic as the week progresses. It's rather baffling and I've no clear, coherent explanation as to why this is happening. The food binging, the aimless wanderings through the internet, the late-nights, the sudden, inexplicable bursts of fantod, etc. I have been taking a lot of mid-afternoon naps lately, which isn't something I normally do. I'm slowly deviating from my usual routine. Could I have been depressed and not be aware of it until now? Am I trying to repress some feelings which I have no strength nor maturity to confront? Am I overcompensating for something?

I need some kind of stability in my life. Maybe I do have some kind of pillar to lean against, but I just can't quite seem to see it. Clarity isn't a friend of mine these days. Here I am again, just a little after eleven at night. And I am typing yet another post.

I don't know where I'm heading with my life...maybe I do. I can't seem to sift through my thoughts nowadays...it always comes back to I don't know I don't know I don't know. The truth is I do know.

A lot of things have been surfacing and re-surfacing...quite strangely, I am not having any dreams about any of these incidents and occurences. One supposition my English instructor made was that I am repressing these things...whatever they are.

I want some kind of explanation now. If only...